A la Deriva
Please write comments on my essay here.
Comentarios
Hello Abby,
-Just a minor correction, "hinchazán"--> hinchazón"
-don't change tenses: "él puede apreciar el paisaje bello" puede --> podía; try to stay in the past tense
-"medico" --> "médico"
Hello Abby,
-Just a minor correction, "hinchazán"--> hinchazón"
-don't change tenses: "él puede apreciar el paisaje bello" puede --> podía; try to stay in the past tense
-"medico" --> "médico"
Hey Abby,
- don't forget to underline or italisize or put in quotes "A la Deriva" (the title)in your first paragraph.
- also in your first paragraph serpiente is feminine so it should be chnaged to "una serpiente venenosa"
-Kate Delle
p.s. FABULOUS JOB.
-based on what Maha said "el hinchazán" should "la hinchazón". It's a spelling error, and a gender error.
-In the first paragraph, "el dolor del pie y tobillo" should be "el dolor del pie y del tobillo" generally prepositions need to go before both.
-the verb "experiencar" does not exist. The verb experimentar does exist. "he experiencado" should be "he experimentado" or "he sufrido". Experimentar is generally associated with emotions while sufrir is used for pain.
-"Ahora es muy débil, pero nunca deja su esfuerzo." is a bit ambiguous. The first part "Ahora es muy débil" suggests that he is very weak. The "pero nunca deja su esfuerzo." could mean "but he never allows/leaves behind his strength." I think you want to say "but his strength never leaves him." which is "pero su esfuerzo nunca le abandona."
-Like Maha and Kate said, accent issue with "medico" and gender issue with "serpiente".
Hey Abby, i couldn't really find anything else that needed fixing in your write up..most people already foudn them and there wasn't much..
-un medico> medico needs and accent on the e
-hinchazan-hinchazon with an accent on the o(sorry i don't know how to put those in)
--and just be careful on points about including a way to clarify that "A la Deriva" is the title of the story
--awesome job abby!
hi Abby
I have to agree with Alyssa that everything I found has aready been said:
- el hinchazán should be la hinchazón
- indicate that "A la Deriva" is the title
great job!
Hey abby,
i was just going to tell you to also put quotes around "A la Deriva." I also found that hinchazan was spelled wrong and should be with an o with an accent.
paragraph 1:
- deriva of A la deriva does not need to be capitalized
- "un serpiente venenoso" should be una serpiente venenosa
- I do not think expieriencado is a word
- nice job relating it back to your own life
paragraph 2:
- regarding what Jason said about the sentence "Ahora es muy débil, pero nunca deja su esfuerzo", I don't feel that the change he suggested is necessary, since I was able to comprehend your point without any alteration done to the sentence
- due to the recollection of the story in the second paragraph, the past tense may have been a better option, however, good job with staying consistent with the tenses
- woo for use of the conditional with an if clause!
- good enthusiasm in the last sentence
paragraph 3:
- nothing
Hi Abby
"En la primera cinco minutos del partido Westboro sacó un punto." I think its wrong. maybe it should be "En los primeros cinco minutos..." or try "en los cinco minutos primeros"
-Evan
